Memorable moments in emailing - Part 2

Shortly after my birthday, I found myself impelled to pen the below declaration. Which sparked about 500 emails... and a petition:

Okay friends,

The 25-year official measurement is in, and I am definitively 6 feet tall, or 183 cm, or 72 inches.

Any disputes require an arranging, on your own part, of a measuring session*. Otherwise, I respectfully submit that, after 25 years of notion-based contentions over my height, the truth should be graciously accepted by all interested parties.

Yours,

Melanie

*dinner provided by arranging party as a term of any such proposed session.

*********

To: International Standards Office

Having been shocked, appalled and dismayed at the lack of proper measurement standards for vertically endowed women in the international community, we, the undersigned, would like to propose a new standard of measurement to the International Standards Office (ISO) defined as 1 Omeed Rameshni—or in its abbreviated form 1 Omeed; the new unit of measurement, 1 Omeed, is defined as five feet and three inches Imperial. Since it is a very dense mass, this unit can also be converted into 1.21 Gigawatts of energy, or enough to power an 80’s-era Delorean “Back to the Future”. We feel that this unit of measurement would be useful for the space-time continuum and serve to buttress the egos of beloved short Persians through all space and time. The forces of Awesome compel us to speak our minds, not merely the caprice of a coffee break buzz. We humbly submit to the ISO our work in this field to make measurement standards more humanitarian, efficient, and sanitary.

Sincerely,

The Undersigned